It has been a long time since I posted on here. There are a couple of reasons.
Last Fall, my mother-in-law had a quick succession of health events and then passed away.
It was a very hard ending, for her and for us.
This is grief piled on grief. It's heavy.
This hard, painful loss came at the end of a year that was already very hard for me, and I've been in survival mode until very recently. I thought of things I'd like to write and share here, but I just didn't have it in me to make it happen. I'm slowly doing better now, most of the time, and so...here I am.
The other reasons is...bots.
It took me a while to figure out what was happening. I check the stats for my blog from time to time. It doesn't show me anything personal about my readers, just indicates from which countries my blog is accessed. Suddenly, there were hundreds and hundreds of "looks" at the blog, all originating from one country.
I was puzzled. Either my words on grief suddenly went viral in Singapore, or...something was wrong.
I did an internet search and found that this is a large and growing problem. There are bots that people use to scan every word on every page that others have written. Maybe it's part of gathering fodder for AI. I don't know.
What I do know is that while this would always feel intrusive, and it's frustrating that there's not really anything I can do about it...to have something like this happen with the words my grieving heart has bled onto these pages is awful.
This blog means something to me, something special and important.
The people who come here and read what I've shared matter a great deal to me. Nobody comes here for casual reasons. When I look at those stats, and note how many people have visited, I pray for them...for you. I pray for those with hurting hearts, trying to make sense of the incomprehensible and find ways to keep breathing and living. I pray for comfort and hope and peace and strength to carry on. I pray for healing of broken hearts and broken families. I pray for those who come here with generous, compassionate hearts, wanting to learn how to walk alongside their grieving loved ones in helpful ways.
When people have told me that what I've written here has helped them in some way, that is deeply meaningful to me.
This is a place where I can talk about hard and painful things, in the hope of somehow helping others find hope or understanding or just to know they're not alone.
Having these hard, heartfelt words casually plundered feels terrible.
It may not be a personally hostile act, but it can't help but feel very personal to me...because these words and these topics are very, very personal for me.
I don't want this intrusion to ruin this good thing.
And so... I will carry on anyway.
For you, the real, hurting people who have somehow found my small corner of the internet and have read my words, I am so glad that you are here. I am also deeply sorry for the pain in your life that led you here. I hope that something I've shared has been of some comfort or help to you. I wish I could give you a hug and sit gently with our shared heartbreak.
For my own loved ones who read my words...thank you. Your support means the absolute world to me.
For those who read what I've shared so that you can love others well...your hearts are beautiful. I dearly hope that something I've shared has been helpful to you.
Thank you for being here.
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