Yes, it's okay that we're tired

Something we have all noticed- that we just feel so very tired...physically, emotionally, mentally.

Grief is exhausting! It is a heavy weight that we carry, every moment of every day, even when we're not actively thinking about it.

We don't have the physical strength or stamina we did before. We go for walks or short hikes, to get fresh air, a little exercise, and "tree therapy," but these are all slower and shorter than they used to be.

We don't have the same mental agility or capacity. We are slower to process information and to come up with answers. Remembering things is difficult, and sometimes just not possible.

Even when we seem "fine," our brains and bodies are still operating at grief slow-warp speed.

It can be difficult to track with what other people are saying.

And we are fragile. Shockingly fragile, especially in light of the incredible strength and courage I have seen in our family these past few weeks.

We have walked through some incredibly hard things: conversations about the transport of our son's body, "viewing" our precious Michael, having to carry on with "normal" life, having grace for people who are thoughtless, or inappropriately curious, or who trample our pain...but then simple things will break our hearts wide open... seeing his name on my calendar, reminding me to call him (ooooh, that hurts!!!); a sentence written in a card that reaches right to the roots of my heart (in a good way); the small gift that I'd bought but not yet gotten to him- planning to give it to him next time we got together. Yeah. That hurts. A lot.

Some days, just breathing is a huge accomplishment. Seriously. The pain sits on my chest and makes it hard to breathe.

We try to rest, but rest is really hard, even with the sleeping pills our very kind doctor prescribed. Mama's still not sleeping very much or very well. I'm trying, but it's just not working very well.

We remind each other to be gentle with ourselves, to give ourselves and each other lots of grace; lots of room to be or do just what we need in any given moment.

Grace. Mercy. 

We have used those words so much recently. Giving grace, experiencing incredible mercy.