Helpful words that we've said to each other

In the first few days, Lee and I had a couple of conversations with our kids that sort of set us on a good path. This is the gist of what we said:

-People will say stupid, clumsy, thoughtless things, because they're human. Let's just decide ahead of time to have grace for them.

Not that this is easy. It's really one of those by-the-grace-of-God things. He gives us the grace to respond kindly when people say things that they really shouldn't. Taking this path is good for others, as we're not lashing out at them in hurt, but it is also very good for us. By taking the high road, we won't have the regret and relationship repair to deal with later. In our fragile state, it is better for us in every way not to come unhinged on others.

- If there are those few people who have no boundaries, who trample people in everyday conversation, and who just won't stop talking, we have permission to say calmly, "I really don't want to talk about this right now," and to just walk away.

Not in rudeness or harshness, but that it is okay and advisable for us to establish boundaries and a safe space for ourselves. We can be courteous and still not allow others to squash and trample us.

One of the many mercies of God that I have seen this past month and a half- the specific people I had in mind when having that conversation...have either behaved with uncommon tact and grace, or simply not crossed our paths! Such a gift. It helped us, though, to have had that conversation, to have given one another permission in a sense, for self-protection, and words to say should the need arise.

- However each one of us is doing at any given moment is the exact right way for us to be doing.

What we need to do or say, or not do or say, is the right thing. The things that help each of us are the right things. If we are feeling withdrawn or angry, there's no wrongness or shame in that- we just love on each other right where we are. This even extended to the family viewing time- that nobody was required to go; that we felt it would be a good thing to have done, and important to do together, but that each one of us had the choice and the freedom to do what felt right for us. We are trying to just be gentle with each other and let each other breathe, and to support one another as we all find a way to survive this and carry on.

Again, all of this is very much the grace of God operating in each of us and in us as a family. He provides a deeper well of grace and generosity than any of us could possibly have on our own.